I once heard of a tale which reflected the sinister facet of the life kind of life we are living now. It went like this:

The boss was mad at his subordinate for some reason. This hurt the employee and made her very angry. When she was finally home, she vented her frustrations on her young son who she felt was disturbing the little bit of peace and reprieve she could get from being at home when all he did was just to show his mother a new trick that he had mastered. The boy feeling all disappointed and upset at the unexpected reaction from his weary mum, decides totake itout on the family cat and gave her one good hard kick.

Then who or what does the poor cat vent her pain on?
***
This story tickled me when I was reading it at the age of 12. Now after a good 6 years later, after having gone through quite a bit more of the cold, hard working world, I suddenly see the story in a different light.

It is not funny at all.
It is tragic.

As a human race, being thrust into this foreign land with a gazillion threats lurking around without our consent, we were supposed to make the best out of our time here. We were supposed to do things to the best of our abilities, help each other out and most importantly, enjoy ourselves by first enjoying living with one another.

Then why is the workplace or the adult world fraught with so much insecurity and evil?

This evil transcends even to those of adolescence or very young age.

With reference to the above anecdote, there wouldn't be a chain effect or a circulation of the pain, with each time magnified even more than the previous time if in the first place, the boss hadn't come down harsh on the worker.

The worker would go home in happy spirits, hold her son lovingly and listening to what he had in store for her and in turn the son would be more gentle with the house cat.

Beautiful ending. Straightforward and logical way of doing things. Don't majority of the workplaces require such a model? A direct and systematic system of getting things done? Then why is it that we always get it wrong in life?

Things would have been perfect.

But alas! Something destructive is forever in the way of such an efficient process of organising people, events or even oneself.

That one huge boulder is human emotions.

Being creatures highly sensitive to communication, it is inevitable that sometimes, we subconsciously allow our five senses and our heart to help us make decisions.

And more often that not, decisions made by the heart often wreak more havoc than help as they are often made on impulse, urges in response to strong emotional triggers.

The message of the story?

If you're angry with someone today and you choose to lash it out on that person,

don't criticise the next person who lashes it out on you.

Take-away: Always be nice :) like me:) hahahhahahhahhaha

-----
Work was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tiring.

As my facebook status would tell you, I'm about to reach the tipping point. Here's my job scope and you may understand what is so arduous about it.

I get up at 6 with the cold December winds blowing against my skin shielded by even thinner clothing and head down to the office at the other end of Singapore where I check through scores of highly confidential and important documents and go through the hectic schedule of daily assignments at my seat for a good 9 to 10 hours a day.

My workplace follows the Singpost's calender very closely so I'm working for about the same duration on a Saturday too.

Then on Sunday, I'll be giving tuition.

So I'm practically slogging it out 7 days a week!

And... I love it.
The feeling of being a career woman.

Perfect.

***
Yes, that was the feeling I've always wanted to have since young! However reality makes all these dreams look silly.

I'm so tired... The minute I reach home, I'll be hitting the sack. Of course, I'll have my shower first. What were you thinkin'?

Today... I wanted to catch up with my babbits (Baby rabbits). And so I parked myself in front of them and started strokin their heads.. Then my body gradually slouched to the point they could no longer see my face but only my hands. Lays sat upright looking surprised to see me dipping man. Haha. It was funny.

Okay, got some important stuff to do.

Till then,
everyone take care and donate generously to the less needy!

My eyebags now are more pronounced than ever! The day right after the exams concluded was the start of a very very busy week!

Right from day one, I have been spending lots of quality time with this boy who has been through many memorable events with me, both thick and thin. We FINALLY FINALLY had a proper outing. For two years, it's been either he coming to Sembawang or we having really short trips to elsewhere. And I'd always be thinking of studies studies and he'd always be sad that we can't be like his friends who can meet their girlfriends regularly.

So you can guess the significance of the end of my exams to us! Haha, you can learn more about his euphoria from his blog http://audenphotos.shutterfly.com/mylife.

The past few days really made me feel like I was on a holiday overseas. Out early in the morning and coming home late at night with legs sore and five senses totally enriched.

The first day's outing was to placate my tastebuds. Had been longing to eat at Superdog for a very very long time! And after what seemed like eons, we headed down to Vivo for just that! The long-awaited meal was followed by walking about and the movie 2012. It was smashing! We thought that it was rather long winded though.

The next day, we went to Orchard Road for the first time to view this year's Christmas decorations for the first time. :)

Just yesterday, we went to Chinatown for some photo taking and dimsum at Yum Cha. Just as we were strolling about waiting for the buffet to start, we chanced upon the Mint Museum which was directly opposite the Chinese Heritage Museum that we went to two years back! and we visited this REALLY... REALLY MAGNIFICENT temple.. (he's a christian, im a free thinker)

It was an eye-opener.

Today, I got a job :D
After my job interview, we went to Marina Square where a salesman from a wedding agency came up to us and passed us a brochure and made some small talk with us asking if we're getting married.

Do we look like we're of marriageable age? Anyway, I think I look very old now.. Thanks to the late nights.. stress etc.. Old and weathered. Look at his blog and you'll be stunned to see how much I've aged.. :(

Then we went to The Coffee Connoiseur and blah...

Sorry, I'm verrryy sleepy.. Cya..

Labels: Blissful

All my life, people have been telling me that I'm intelligent. Well, that's not all empty praise for a young little girl to make her feel good. It's been proven. What about the list of achievements throughout the years? What about the various leadership positions I held in different schools? Were they not a testimony of my intelligence, my capability? Well, most certainly not till I get excellent results to complement them as well. Without excellent, mind you, I'm not even using the word "good" here, I mean excellent results, your experience and commendable leadership qualities and all other qualities would not be appreciated save for a select number of companies.

In Singapore, people look at results, results and results. It is no wonder this rigidity bred a nation of stressed out rote learners.

Take me for an example. Or even my friend from India who used to be on a schoarship here who I got to know during my JC days. She is an avid reader. For economics or a topic in physics alone, she could spend up to an entire day in the library poring over high level, sophisticated literary works of these two subjects. Yes. She was enjoying herself, engaging in a process of deep learning as compared to the many thousands of us who by the grace of the lecturers, were studying a highly simplified version of the topics through the use of thin lecture notes(compared with the encyclopedias). On the knwledge level, she is definitely more enriched than any of us. But on the grading level, she fared worse than most of us. She got a U for both physics and economics. That is because she didn't know how to answer the qustions in a particular way that is required of the examiners. But thank god, those were just her prelim grades. Lets hope she des well for her A levels. And me too!

So what is our education system doing for us actually? Is it force feeding information into us then training us to reproduce these information in a particular way to attain the marks?In a way, we do learn from this force feeding. But more often than not, I find myself like a fish out of water halfway through this learning process. There would be so many assignments to finish and so many tests to contend with. In the end, I just would have to make do with memorising without understanding. Memorise memorise memorise.And not understand why this or why that.

I remember starkly for inorganic chemistry we had to memorise a whole lot of chemical equations.Why is sulphuric acid produced when sulphur trioxide reacts with water, I don't know. I just know how to write the chemical equation.Why is there a bright blue flame when sulphur is burnt in oxygen but a white flame when magnesium is burnt in the same way? I don't know. I merely know that I must differentiate the reactions of these metals by the colour of their flames when burnt in air.

My chemistry teacher once told us this, "If you want to learn more, wait till you enter University then you'll understand. For now, just learn and follow the syllabus requirements."

Even the teachers are trapped in this aspect. They can teach more, but are not required to and when they do, they confuse some students. When they do not, some students would forever be baffled while some others like me, would resign to education system in Singapore and memorise and get the mark.Thank god, I memorised, there was a substantial number of marks given in Chemistry Paper 3 to regurgitate sch chemical equations.But then again, so what if I'd gained the marks? Have I been made any smarter?

Perhaps. At least I know that I'll get sulphurous acid (forgot how to spell. anyway it's not sulphuric acid. it's H2SO3)which is highly acidic(2 mol H ions per 1 mol H2SO3) when I dissolve onions in warm water. (Onions release S02 which causes you to tear) but why the different colour flames when Gp II metals are oxidised in air? Maybe I'll find out at the university. Maybe... Or I can find it out myself.

But will that extra piece of information gain me any prestige for anything in the real world, ranging from entrance into the university to getting a job? No.What the Singapore society goes after is the concrete certificates which show the results, determined by some people in the other part of the world who judge you based on that hour or so's quality and quantity of work.The opportunity cost is grotesque. Large numbers of people who are talented in other fields than academics go wasted.The only way for them not to be a cost to the economy would only be to depend on their will power and determination to prove their prospective employers that they have something special and valable to offer the company.But then again, how many of the world's population can have the sheer humility and courage of Mr Kentucky who got the doors slammed in his face 1009 times?

Broaching this subject led me to ponder about another - evolution. Even through the many eras, the human nature has remained invariantly constant. The theory of the fittest survives is still very much present in today's communities though the contest is not a test of the physical fitness but on of intellect. No no.. It should be tenacity. It hasalways been. The one who could withstand the physical pain and pull through a fight would emerge as the winner. In today's world, the one who can bear the complexity of the world such as all that I've mentioned would emerge as the winner. Just that the academically less qualified would have to undergo a lot more.

After having gone through the rigorous JC education, sometimes I wonder if I could have better managed everything if I went to a polytechnic.But then again, if I had enrolled in one, things would be still pretty much the same. I'd be grousing about how things are again.

The pasture forever seems to be more lush on the other side.Lets just wait for the A'level results and decide on my academic route once again.

Labels: Reflective

Okay, I heard a really not-too-bad (sounds totally nonsensical huh) song on FM 88.3 in my room but I was too lazy to bring my lappie into the room and found it too cumbersome to lug the good old radio outta the room so I'm settling for the cache of ballads in my notebook. Currently drifting by the tune of Landy's 同手同脚.

You know I hate to realise that I've grown older with the arrival of yet another 11th June. As oxymoronic as it seems the girl who has always wanted to be older, more independent, more able to exercise decisions at her own discretion now wants to reverse the hands of time or at least slow down the breakneck speed of this journey's she's been unwittingly, unwillingly been brought on.

One moment, my mum was towering above me like the most horrendous creature I'd ever seen on earth, twisted damned cane in one hand, threatening gestures in the other, mouth contorted with the tirades of scoldings disgorging like the foamy choppy waves of the Niagaras. I was a little tot, red with shame from what I'd just been taught that what I had done was wrong. I felt defenceless, meek and unhappy. But well, there's still this sense of protection I feel in being scolded by my mother. This inexplicable feeling of security even when being met with something so overpowering and scary(Mum was a lil' like Trunchbull then) made the endless beration seem justified. As an ignorant yet upset lil' tot then, I accepted it.

The very next moment, mum was no longer that Trunchbull I'd known to face all the years of making mistakes and then paying for them later through the cane or the sarcasm. The Trunchbull I've become so familiar with softened down all of a sudden. She no longer had the strength, nor enough will that she could garner to give me that amount of lecturing or teaching as you call it, already. Even as the lil' tot (big tot now) no longer feels scared, no longer feels helpless, she's not happy either.

I won't divulge the details but you know.. I'd rather forever be the scared lil' devastated tot who'd forever never know that her mum actually loves her than to be older, more independent, more knowing and realising that her Trunchbull's gonna go one day; each day edging closer as the lil' tot grows older.

It's devastating growing up. I used to scoff at people who say, "I wish I could turn back time.." I thought that was the most cliche thing anyone could say and it was only till I turned 18 that it suddenly dawned on me that the most cliches of phrases actually carry the deepest, most sententious meanings.

Cliches... I'll never see them in the same light again.

It was a normal day. Matthew had forecasted that there'd be a thunderstorm on the 11th so we changed our Ubin plans to some normal and more civilised programme. Haha. And also because, my feet wouldn't hold any longer if I'd gone on a hiking trip today(meaning 11th June). I'll talk about my feet in a while's time.

Alright, I regained momentum today after a few whacky fun filled days of birthday celebrations and got down to work. Did International Trade today, finally some dust swept off my economics lecture notes. Haha. And some chemistry as well.

I was all too eager to solve one Chemical energetics qn that I literally, blatantly watched the minutes tick by me as the voice within me screamed, "It's past the time you planned to shower! Go now or you'll be so so late!" I scribbled on still till... Shouchen called to wish me a very sincere and happy birthday as he calls it. Haha! Then I started pacing to my wardrobe and pulling out clothes.

Decked out in a black dress and a white colored half jacket, I was all set to go, only that it was already 15 minutes to the time we were supposed to meet at Orchard. And where do I live at? OMG!!! Luke called and nagged... He was already there at 4. Haha ;X I was still fortunate. He asked me for teh rest' hp numbers as he had just sent his phone for repair and he gave Yiwen quite some attitude. Hahahahaha and then, came this race of being the latest to arrive at Orchard. There was this smsing frenzy among the 5 of us, Yiwen, Alvin, Matthew and Kendrick who were all late as well! Hahahaha... Poor Old Luke!

Arrived, crapped quite alot before finally getting down to the business of buying tickets for the 9.30 show. Had dinner at Pasta Mania with the incessant comments on how I slowly nibble my food like a rabbit and continued talking crap. Ultra fun time.

Then Kendrick had to leave for some seminar and Matt needed to go his relative's place. So it was down to Luke, Yiwen, Alvin and me. After roaming the streets under the incessant squaking of hordes and hordes of birds looming in the skies, we made our way to Paragon where Yiwen dragged us into this really up market and posh and classy and whatever you use to describe it - cake shop. It's those kind where a SLICE of cake, designer cake, goes for about ten bucks each. Yiwen asked me which do I consider the most tasty looking or nicest looking one. I randomly pointed to one without much though and she kept asking me to confirm my decision. Haha..and she bought it -.- and we were sitting down in that really upmarket cafe, or rather, cake restaurant where the waiters really treated us like kings and queens. Gosh.. It's even more classy than hmm lets see, Jacks' Place, Paris Buffet or even that steak place in Suntec. Just for cakes! No.. a slice of cake.

All through that time, we were having a great deal of fun jibing one another and cracking jokes...woahh.. if not for the a levels really, id love to be meeting up with them more often than just twice a year. but again, distance makes the heart finder doesn't it:)

Then we had this crazy idea to go to Mount Elizabeth Hospital.

By the way,
Yiwen's birthday: 2nd June, Luke: 10th June, Mine:11th June, Alvin's: 16th June

and Alvin, Luke and Me were born at Mount E!

SUch revelation! Gosh! and so we visited our birthplace hahaha along the way we were like drunk nuts making a joke out of every minute thing we saw. it was a really high night though we had NO liquour or alcohol at all.

We knew it was kinda impossible but just had this glimmer of hope that maybe we could see the babies:) of course didn't lah. fooled the security guard to let us in and thn we gt into mount e.

Watched a horrible yet GOOD movie. Fleeced the Cathay over 2 pop corns and 2 iced milos hahahah. Had lots of really really unbelievably funny times. gosh.

what a really lovely lovely day :D

Photos at my facebook! :) Thank you all who have wished me happy birthday!! :D
Thank you Sherry, Weiting, Kenny Yeap, Kenny Goh, Soon Leng, Mark, Cynthia, Mum, Dad, Zhihao, Alvin, Yanning, Matthew, WanZhen, Dannie, Junpei, Qixing, Junjie, Kendrick, Yiwen, Luke, Liying, Emilia, Chunyang, Sandy, Ridhwan, Lynette, Calvin, Michelle, Yunhui, Min fang, Syarif, Laveen, Wanting, Vishal, Sok ting, Shufen, KianLoong, Yingpeng, Axel, Gery jie, Siong chie, KAIZAN, Shouchen and dearest Duane!! :D

oH YAH, about my feet. it's damn scary now. it all started with this roller blading module i attended last year, a pe elective whereby we all have to choose one module to do. the company the school employed wasn't particular about hygiene at all. they kept all the roller blades, wet with sweat in de non-ventilated van throughout de weekends. imagine the dirt. soon after i developed skin irrtation. seen 3 doctors but non were able to explain what on earth was that symptoms im havin.. not until i kept probing. rashes came on off. this year became worse. skin started to peel and flesh showing..ewww..going to de doc tmr and not coming out of de clinic till i get down to de matter! damn worried abt my feet now!

Says Duane on my birthday celebration this year which seems to span over an entire week!

You know, just as I'd wisened up this year and began to disregard birthdays, mine was celebrated on a high note.

Okay, last Saturday I went out with Duane on a cycling trip which was followed by a BBQ/Steamboat at East Coast Park and the present unveiled itself at dusk. It was a gasp.. Swatch watch!

Yesterday, I went to a class outing.

Early in the morning as I feeling ashamed of myself (for already being so late) while still boring hard into the mirror, I received a phonecall. Li heok was telling me not to leave the house yet. I guess she was late. Haha, just as I was about to leave the house already, the doorbell rang and omg there she was! Lugging a really big present in shiny paper. Woow! 1st, woow! She was able to find my house, which even taxi drivers have difficulty locating the block. and next woow! omg, that was so touching. A big big present handed personally to you in the early morning. She made me feel so special.[although it wasn't my birthday yet]

Then we went off to meet JM and XH at the circle line. (My first time on Circle line trains which were only 4-carriages long, cool?!)Our lovely chairman and vice chair person had out of their selflessness, organised the entire Amazing Race which was to take place around Sentosa for a good 3 hours plus all by themselves! Woow! It was very professional. They recceed the place, did clues elaborate with pictures and had put up the clues in very very unthinkable places which really required of us a substantial amount of wit to get 'em.

The whole process was very draining. We combed the entire island from left to right and from right to back again and top to bottom(from the Merlion). It was all a very dehydrating and exhausting experience yet highly happening and satisfying. We all grew blisters on our feet and my problematic toes (.......) became more problematic. Wonder how I'm gonna accomplish Ubin tomorrow.

We headed back to the desolated Tanjong beach upon completion of the race where we saw two huge colourful cardboards leaning against the bags and a mango chocolatey birthday cake greeting us. The class was celebrating Jordan's and my birthday. We were born on the same date too, by the way. Haha. After that we had cake, played a little more with the balls we had, cleaned up and headed down to town for a buffet at Sakura and continued our banter over dinner.

I got home really exhausted and started unwrapping all my presents. 12A gt me a perfume: ECLAT D'ARPEGE LANVIN (PARIS)

That's what the bottle read. haha.

And Liheok made me a (I guess) 500 piece jigsaw puzzle mounted up onto a deep blue vanguard followed by a black mounting board GASP! I was so touched and at a loss for words at the immense amount of effort put into a birthday present for me. and I'm not even somebody er...great? Just a normal normal person in a normal normal school in this extraordinary world. And the picture of the jigsaw puzzle? Panoramic.

And the big cardboard was actually an enormous carrot made out of orange coloured mounting board with green and yellow leaves and a rabbit hiding behind it. On it were all my classmates' wishes :)

sWweet people!
post pics up when i get 'em!